Spent the first day of the year hulahooping in front of the tv. The weather was cold today, a little cloudy and also windy. I think it rained for awhile, had no idea but I guess I heard the sound of the raindrops. Neither there's any exciting matter nor the post celebration remainder we used to have. Everything is so peaceful and quiet, just like another ordinary day, for me.
I'm not sure if the others feel the same, perhaps not from the feed I have been scrolling over and over. But I am not feeling anything from the new year, except for the depression I drowned myself in. Today is not as bad as Christmas Eve, I swear both the eve and Christmas day itself tried to kill me at least two hundred times.
Just too much happenings recently, one comes before another is completely settled. I really miss how things used to be yet I know there's nothing to be blamed on. I fully believed in God that this is no harm, and He gives us the best of what we deserve. I hope all of us could understand this, as what we need the most now is to keep having faith, and keep loving each other.
We cannot break, and we should not break. Neither break up nor breakdown, no. We gotta be strong, and keep praying. It's heartbreaking all the time to see how things have changed, and how people have been affected. I admit that I was trying to run away at first, run away from this reality that I didn't want to accept. Yet I faced and accepted it, and now I have decided to stay.
I am not leaving. As I know I am needed here, to be with them. Perhaps I have already known what I should prioritize, what I want to protect in my life. They will always be my priority, and they are the ones that I want to protect in my life, and with my life. It's time to really grow up, and know what my responsibilities are.
Neither I have big goals to set nor to achieve this year, what I have been thinking of is all them. I only hope that they are all blessed with good health and showered with love and happiness, that's all I ask for. For me myself, I am gonna slowly discover what I really like to do and do it with all the best that I could as it is time.
It's time for some real hard work.
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